
As Gemma* started crying in her first session, her therapist asked if she’d eaten that day. “When I told her all I’d had was a hot chocolate, she freaked out and told me I was ‘ruining everything’ and that I shouldn’t react like that,” the 37-year-old recalls. “Because I was a people-pleaser, I kept going back for our sessions because she specialised in the specific issue I was trying to work on. After eight months of avoiding the subject and talking about other things, she admitted it wasn’t her specialty and I should see someone else. Every week I think about emailing her to say she wasted my money.”
Therapists are supposed to help us. Whether it’s identifying a family trauma, giving us the tools to cope with a mental health issue, or supporting us through a bereavement or a breakup, the job description is one with altruism at its core. And yet, there are many stories like Gemma’s, describing therapists who aren’t helping at all. In fact, sometimes, they’re making things worse.
“My girlfriend and I used to see a couples’ therapist who’d bitch about each of us to the other,” says Jess*, 33. “She then started following our friends on Instagram and tried to pit us against each other. It was bizarre.” One friend’s therapist repeatedly called her by the wrong name. Another who was seeking support for sexual trauma was told to ‘get a boyfriend’. And one was assaulted by her therapist, a man in his early 70s.
“He started to talk about ‘tapping’ around my chest area,” Phoebe* recalls, adding that the kind of therapy they were doing – evidence-based therapy (EBT) – was meant to involve zero physical contact and be rooted in applied psychology. “He stood beside me and put his hands on my stomach very near my breasts. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with that and he readjusted his hands while pushing his groin against my body. I felt that he had an erection and was pushing it with some force into the side of my body.”
The relationship between a therapist and their patient is ripe for exploitation. There’s a clear and obvious power dynamic predicated on trust; the therapist is in control while the patient is vulnerable. So while a good experience in therapy can be life-changing and, in some cases, life-saving, a bad one can be just as impactful – with adverse consequences.
“Research has shown that for therapy to be successful, the rapport you have with your therapist is more important than your therapist’s theoretical background,” explains Christine Schneider, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist at Cambridge Therapy Centre in the UK. “With this in mind, the relationship between client and therapist is foundational; without trust, respect and professional boundaries, the therapeutic process cannot succeed.”
We’ve come a long way in terms of stamping out some of the societal stigma that used to be attached to therapy. Conversations about therapy are everywhere, whether it’s at the dinner table with friends or on social media. But as the taboo has shrunk, demand has soared, giving rise to a number of under-qualified people offering therapeutic services via unregulated channels. In the UK, and in many US states including California, anyone can call themselves a psychotherapist or counsellor, given these aren’t protected titles or statutorily regulated professions. It should be no surprise, then, that lawyers recently reported a rise in lawsuits by patients for alleged abuse during therapy.
What’s most concerning is that negative experiences could put vulnerable people off therapy completely, when it has the potential to completely transform their lives for the better. And it does so for the majority of people – according to a US National Library Of Medicine study, 70% of people participating in psychotherapy reported experiencing some benefit from it, while subjects in this 2021 report showed a 50% reduction in a symptoms after undergoing therapy for depression. That’s why it’s so important to find the right therapist for you.
How To Find The Right Therapist For You
- Check Their Qualifications – “Ensure your therapist has relevant qualifications, such as a diploma or degree involving at least 400 hours of therapy training,” says Sarah Norman, UK-based therapist and co-founder of Augmentive, a mental health platform that pairs patients with therapists. “Look for accreditation from respected organisations with online registers. Online reviews can also provide helpful insights into a therapist’s reputation and the experiences of their clients.”
- Ensure Their Experience Aligns With Your Needs – “Reflect on what you hope to achieve in therapy,” advises Dr Elena Touroni, consultant psychologist and co-founder of The Chelsea Psychology Clinic in London. “Once you’ve clarified your goals, research therapists who specialise in these areas and don’t hesitate to reach out to ask questions before booking a session.”
- Arrange ‘A Get To Know You’ Call Before You Meet Them – “Once you’ve found someone, you can set up an initial call or appointment where you can ask them any questions you have and also see how you feel talking to the person,” says Naomi Magnus, existential psychotherapist at North London Therapy. “Again, trust your instincts, you will know if you feel able to talk freely to the therapist and if it feels like a good match.”
*Names have been changed
Olivia Petter is an award-winning journalist, author, and broadcaster. Her debut novel, Gold Rush, is out now
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