The Love Lessons I Inherited (& The Ones I’m Still Unlearning)

Nature or nurture? So much of how we approach love brings that enduring debate to mind. Nothing feels more personal than our emotions – particularly when it comes to romance and attraction, which seem to be rooted so deeply within us that they are, surely, a unique force beyond our control.  

Anyone talking about relationships online right now, from therapists to behavioural experts, point in a different direction: environment shapes far more of this than instinct does. Our early experiences, beginning with our parents and guardians and leading on to our first friendships, affect how we behave in our close relationships for the rest of our lives. The mannerisms, phrases and approaches we learn in childhood are, often subconsciously, mirrored in how we give and receive love as adults.

From recognising the roots of an attachment style or reassessing priorities within existing relationships, three writers reflect here on the approaches to love passed down through the generations, and how those inheritances have shaped the connections they have gone on to make.

1. Am I A ‘Strong Single Woman’ Because I Was Raised By One? by Chanté Joseph

2. I Didn’t Cause My Anxious Attachement, But I Will Be The One To Address It by Olivia Petter

3. Care For Yourself As You Care For Others – For Your Own Sake, And Theirs by David Larbi

This article is part of On Connection, Service95’s special issue in partnership with Bumble. Discover all the stories here.